I NEVER KNEW……... That when your husband dies you feel like the world has ended nor that life would go on so slowly. That grief comes like in waves, so that hour by hour and day by day you can go from crying to being ok to crying again. That it is ok to cry often and then feel guilty because you are not crying. That taking care of your self is so difficult because you are still living. That what you really want to do it close the door and not let anyone in and running away would be so much easier. That so many people respond in ways that can make you feel worse, even though you know it was not their intention. That you want to write down all you can remember, to be sure you never forget, but can’t bring yourself to write even a word. That you will ask yourself a million times why but you will never get the answer. That it is impossible to respond to or accept that your grief was the will of God. That God would never will this upon anyone. That every time you go to Mass, you cry because it was such a special time for us. That if you try not to think about it, it will go away but it doesn’t. That the things you have always liked doing will not make the grief go away.That it is ok to ask for help. That just maybe some day you will emerge on the other side, whole again somewhat, but still without him…………...that all of these are new things you have had to learn and hopefully figure out how God will help you through to a time when you can say, Thank you God, for the time we had and for the family I am blessed to still have. And, sometime while you are learning all of this, you become aware of the gratitude you have to the many, many people in your family, your Church, and your community. So I want to thank all of you for the unbelievable memorials in Ron’s memory, for the hundreds of Masses, the food, the flowers, cards that I have yet been able to open. The memorial money for St. Vincent de Paul at Holy Cross will help many people who are in need to have food, clothing, or shelter. The memorial money given to Trinity High School has been used to purchase a 61 inch statue of St. Vincent which will be installed in the new library. It has been comforting to realize that some of things he loved and gave his time and heart to, continue to flourish: most noticeably, the Catholic Book Store, St. Vincent de Paul, Catholics United Credit Union, and his community work with downtown and other city involvement plus six children, and lots of grandchildren, and great grandchildren. So, with deep appreciation, I thank you again and you will share in the Masses and prayers continued to be offered for him and our family. God grant us Peace, Lovella Kelley

BIRTHDAY COMING!!!!!!! It appears that coming up soon Is one of those days that if you don’t celebrate You just might cry. So Some of my family thinks we should have a birthday cake and at least appear festive!! So On Saturday afternoon, June 30, They are going to gather at the bookstore for cake But I don’t suppose there will be anything to drink That those in our generation might Need to keep up their spirits! In keeping with the spirit of the times, I Forgot to give the time, And if I remember correctly, It is 2-4. Please bring all the gifts you can carry, And we will split them up among us! You know, seniors usually give more than get So the relatives don’t have to sort through all that stuff! If you can read my deteriorating writing, Please come and keep me company. Thanks. Lovella

Weekly Special Invitation

Weekly Special Invitation

When little girls gather to play their special kind of fun called dress up, they wear Mom’s hat and gloves, carry her purse, and pretend to be all grown up. If you ask them why they are all dressed up, they will tell you they got an invitation to a special event. It might be an imaginary tea party or a princess wedding. But of course, they want to appear in their very best which also probably includes a left over prom dress from another era. They even not only look wonderful, most especially in their own eyes, but in reality they are adorably beautiful.
When little girls grow up, they continue to get invitations to very special events, for which they may be lucky enough to get sparkling new shoes which fit, instead of Mom’s high heels from you know when! The new dress may be a trendy new outfit or a traditional beautiful gown.
When the young ladies turn into ladies or Moms or other special ladies, they keep on getting invitations. And now they look for comfortable or stylish things that fit the special occasion.
When I get a special invitation, it most always requires what I call the most important thing I wear and that is a hat.
I get a special invitation every week to the most important event in my life, Sunday Mass. All Masses are important and special but Sundays are extra special because those are the Masses where the church members gather as a family to participate in that special invitation to be a part of something so magnificent that it requires us to be at our best in respect for the celebration. It is the highest respect to accept that invitation in our finest, be it from the thrift store or the finest department store. If it is our best, it is acceptable by the host, the One who issued the invitation to be with Him.
And that is why I wear a hat to Sunday Mass. It is my way of coming at my best to join with my community in praise of Him who made it possible to celebrate with Him.

Mom Memories

When you have been a Mom for a long time, it sometimes blends all the memories of your own Mother into your Mom experiences. That should not be a surprise since most of what you learn about being a Mom you learned from your mother. Even in the age of books and technology, the really good tips are the original “from Mom” tricks that are generational and believe it or not, but someday your kids will look at you and say, “Oh no, I am turning into my MOM.” That’s when you really know you’ve made it. Thing is, you might be old and gray before you hear it!
One of the best pieces of advice I ever got about mothering was that when your baby sleeps, so do you. That means day or night because sometimes the days are nights. But one of my bests memories also are those of sitting in the rocking chair in the dark and quiet with a tiny baby that you are rocking back to sleep for the fifteenth time that night. The lullaby has been sung fifteen times and as your heads droop, you know that this is really the best it gets. Mom and baby in the rocking chair! That’s a fond memory. I was fortunate that my youngest sister was born when I was sixteen years old. I can remember my Mom rocking her and also myself rocking her as I was an important part of her first months, due to my mother’s illness. I got lots of practice and was prepared for my own six children in ways that most young girls are not. Those memories are also among the best.
And then, there were our own six and then there were baby girl foster daughter and baby boy foster son. Those are distinct memories because I cared and loved someone else’s children who soon became an integral part of our family life.
Moms are so good about showing up at a daughter’s home when a newborn arrives. How could we have managed without them? Their subtle hints never seemed like criticism, only a way to help a little someone that has now entered her life as grandchildren to be all mixed up with other childhood memories. Now, I am the grandmother who goes to help with the newborn. More memories get into the mix.
And now, all the memories are of my Mom because she taught me all I know and because they are also part of all this and it is all passed on. Somehow, this sounds all mixed up because that’s what memories of Moms are. They are all mixed up in your life and those of your families. Just how important she was in my life is something I ponder so frequently. Hopefully, my own children will have the same sampling of memories as I have! But I forget! Their own memories will get mixed in too!

Celebrate

For some time we have been contemplating the celebration of our 50th wedding anniversary. First of all, the count must be off. It can't possibly be fifty years since that hot dry day in western Kansas in late August of 1961. I graduated from high school in 1960 and then went to college in Salina, KS for my freshman year. It was a good year especially after we had our first date in January or February. By August we were married and by the next June we were in Germany, guests of the US Army. Well, that was a roller coaster start and from there it just kept going, sometimes uphill, sometimes down. But without a doubt, it was a steady climb until we suddenly had six children, had cared for a couple foster children, both of us had gone back to school. Ron completed two degrees and I became a nurse, and soon Ron retired from Dillons, opened the book store, and now it has been fifty years.Of course, there were a few other things like emergency room visits, trips to visit the kids, emergency appendectomy, a new knee, a lot of car wrecks, traffic tickets, and many, many visits to different college campuses where kids were happily doing their own things. Well, I guess it might be fifty years after all. They say time flies when you are having a good time. Yes, it has been a very fine journey and we will celebrate heartily in a few weeks with the best things of all, all of us together. There will be lots of teenagers, lots of babies, friends, family, and the proud originators of this fine group. We are sorry to be missing our parents but they would be proud of our fifty years.

Peace?

As I sit here and watch the riots in Egypt, I wonder. I wonder why it is so difficult for peoples of the world to just tolerate each other, much less love and care for each other. I wonder if I will live long enough to look around the world and see no conflict. Yet, I have lived long enough to know that, because we are the human beings we are, it will never happen.
What really makes me sad is that really we all have a responsibility to contribute to that peace. It begins with me and the peace in my heart that feeds the hungry. Tonight when it is zero degrees outside did I do anything to give a bed to those living beneath the bridge? Peace comes in little pieces. How big is the piece I have to offer?

Another New Start

It seems that life flies by but looking back one wonders how so much could have changed in such a flash. As a child my family had the first telephone in the little French-Canadian village in western Kansas and now my phone goes with me everywhere.All this technology has had me really baffled; fortunately I have a great roommate of nearly 50 years who is pretty savey.We went to a presentation this morning to get ideas on how to use social media to benefit our book store. Since I have a recently new iphone, I am determined to keep up.So tonight,I can buy my Starbucks coffee with my phone, have a new e-mail account, and a blog started.I really do enjoy e-mail,Facebook,working on learning Twitter, and appreciate the ability to compose, save, or send my midnight thoughts,to where ever I want.I am fully aware that I am only tapping the surface of available technology but I am a midnight person and my best little bits of wisdom come then.I think I owe that partly to having a large wonderful family and have spent many nights up for various reasons and realized that I enjoy the absolute quiet and isolation that midnight brings.I hope to share some of those thoughts and stories with you.